Varian's cottage, Hogsmeade
Severus felt something wet on his arm in the middle of his dream and woke up, blinking blearily as he looks around. His gaze focued in on the dog almost immediately. " ... Oh fucking hell," he muttered as he sat up straight quickly, causing the futon shift under him. "I'm NOT living in the same house as a dog!" He glanced over at Varian, who laid next to him.
Varian scratched behind the small dog's ears as he laid back on the futon. The dog climbed onto his flat stomach, licking at his chin until its attention focused itself on the long haired man to the left. Its ears perked up, and its massive eyes stared at him until Varian's small whistle caused it to turn back to his master, licking his chin again. He chuckled lightly, his bony fingers working to rub the back of the dog's neck. "Lyland...look at me," he said quietly in a whisper to the dog. He had felt the jolt of the bed but paid little attention to it, the dog being the apple of his eye. He then shook his head at the small animal. "No...don't eat daddy's shirt," he said as the dog started to lick at his shirt.
Severus pressed his hand to his forehead and leto ut a small groan. "Varian, I'm serious, I can NOT live in the same house as a dog." He announced, and refused to let himself glance at the animal, feeling rather un easy. It was not that he was afraid of the small canine, he was just disturbed by it.
Varian snorted lightly and scooped up the dog, holding it over to Severus. Once he caught Severus's gaze and held it with his own, he spoke. "Just pet him. Once." Severus's silent reply was complete with a dead pan stare.
Varian inhaled stiffly, his nostrils flaring slightly as he did. He knitted his brows together and pushed the dog at him once more. "You will pet him." He spoke flatly, with a odd echoing in his voice.
Severus grimaced, feeling an odd sort of feeling wash over him, and then mentally forced himself to push it away. Chalking it up to nerves and an irrational fear, he actually briefly considered it before shaking his head vehemently. "I can't. I'm not touching that dog. Sorry, but I just CAN'T do it." He spoke the last part with a surprising forcefullness, and immediatly pulled himself off the bed and hurried into the kitchen. Bracing himself against the counter, he stared at the wall and breathed out, not wanting to ever see that animal again.
After a moment, Severus sat down on the only chair in the kitchen, the one next to the table, which, unlike for months, was now clear of clutter. He ran his hand through his hair and breathed out a shakey breath. His mind was racing. Did...Did he call the dog Lyland!? What!?
Varian let out a long breath through hsi nostrils and held the dog close to his chest again. The dog started to wiggle in his hands, and let out a small whimper. "Shhh...its alright. Daddy still loves you," Varian told the small animal, and actually squinched his nose when Lyland started to lick his lips. The feeling of the swift tongue on sensitive tissue made him chuckle, being ticklish. Varian glanced over finally towards the kitchen and swung his legs off the bed, pushing the rest of him up the rest of the way. He held the small dog to his side as he moved towards the back room. Stopping at the doorway, he glanced in, seeing Severus sitting there. "Do you hate my dog, Severus?" he asked, his voice low yet to the point.
"I'm so far from a dog person," Severus breathed out in a short rythem. "Its not even funny." He glanced quickly at Varian and then back at his hands, then moved his eyes around, unable to settle his gaze anywhere. He's feeling overwhelmed, so much so he puts his arms on the table,a nd then buries his head in them. He tries to calm himself, pushing away memories of Varian's dog jumping on him.
Varian gives him a long stare, arching an eyebrow up before leaning down to place the dog on the floor. Lyland immediatly started to sniff around, inching closer to Severus's feet. "I think you're being awfully dramatic." Varian told his lover flatly.
"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT!" Severus snapped loudly and harshly, lifting his head enough to glance down at the flor to make sure it was no where near him. The rise of volume in his voice caused the dog to start growling before backing up and lettign out several short yipping barks.
Varian furrowed his brows again and quickly scooped his dog up. "I can very well see that now," he replied rather sarcastically as he glanced Severus over. "I'm not a cat person but I don't act like they are going to bite by balls off," he shot back and moved away from the kitchen, speaking in a low voice to his dog words of comfort and sweet nothings.
The barking and growling of the dog caused Severus to jump from the seat, working off an automatic fight-or-flight reaction. It always, ALWAYS was triggered by those type of sounds, no matter what size the animal. Thankfully, Varian took the thing away, but his parting words stung more than they should, especially when one's nerves were already frayed to the point of snapping. This was contributed to being in the same room as one of his worst fears, and he sunk down to sit on the floor, breathing ragged and head hung down. He felt embararassed and hurt. "WELL..FUCK ME THEN!" he yelled out, voice pitching high and shakey even though he tried not to sound upset.
Varian heard him and immediatly was bac in the doorway, looking down at him. Dogless, he slowly kneeled down to his lover's level. "What's wrong with you? Why are you acting this way?"
That only makes Severus feel even more embarrassed, and he turned his head away so he didn't have to look at Varian. "I'm not fucking telling YOU!" He spat out, burying his face in his hands as he hunched down as small as he could. "Its...you'll just laugh at me!" He added, trying to calm his breathing.
Varian moved closer to him, kneeling down to sit as he placed a hand on Severus's leg. "No, what is it?"
Severus had grown quiet, and stayed so for a long moment. He felt his body still shake and he mumbled something that becomes muffled due his slouched position. Varian attempted to lean in, trying to hear. He sat down next to him fully, drawing his knee to his chest.
"What is it?" Varian asked, grinning slightly as he tried ot make his voice as sooth and gentle as possible. He draped his thin around his lover's shoulders. "Speak up, love."
Severus responded by moving his hands from his face to hug his legs to his chest, and let out a small breath. "I said," he commented, and repeated himself. Unfortuntly, his words were still muffled, and only the mention of 'dog' could be articulated. Varian chuckled gently, brushing some of the dark long hair from Severus's face with nimble fingers.
"Sorry? What about...what?" Varian attempted again.
"I'm afraid of dogs!" Severus blurted out loudly, then buried his face in his knees. He knew his face was hot with humiliation, and he deeply wished he could just disappear.
"Ah," Varian said quietly, and proceeded to rub Severus's back. "And that's...that's alright. Lyland isn't going to come after you, darling."
Severus leaused helplessly, resenting the fact Varian didn't quite seem to 'get it.' He then made a point to make this known. "You don't understand. I have bleeding PANIC ATTACKS when I'm around dogs. Varian, I've had horrid experiences with them. I was nearly eaten by a loody WEREWOLF not two years ago, and then I was chased up a TREE by a bunch of huge dogs! Its right stupid, its irrational, bit even that little...runt in the other room triggered a panic attack in me just now, alright?" The expression that crossed Severus's face suggested that he was teetering on the brink of crying, either from frustration or stress. "I can NOT live with a dog, simple as that."
Varian knitted his brow, hearing this statement for the first time, never actually guessing Severus would suffer from such a thing. In the only comforting way he knew how, Varian pulled Severus against him, squeezing his shoulder lightly. "I didn't know..I'm quite sorry, actually." He tried to reassure Severus, but mentioned nothing more, especially in regards to disposing of his new pet. After another moment Varian spoke again. "Where the bloody fuck did you find a werewolf??"
Severus only gave a mumbled reply: "Someone played a joke on me and sent me... into the Forest for something on a full moon..." He kept his face turned downwards as he spoke, not wanting Varian to see. Severus's attempts to keep his emotions in control was a sruggle, and he found he had to wipe away tears from his eyes. He wagered it would be difficult for Varian to read when he was lying. If it weren't for the fact he was aware Lupin was now playing a key role in helping to bring Corinna back to the country, he would of said more on the subject. But because of this, he stayed mum.
Varian leaned in more, to get a better look-see at Severus. "Ah," he said flatly, looking Severus up and down. "Bastards. Every last single one of them," he replied and slowly arched a dark eyebrow, which disappeared under a spray of bleach blonde hair. "Well, just forget about that nasty experience. I just can't...return him, you know. I made a commitment."
"Varian..I just can't forget about that," Severus stated desperatly. "Just like that? I mean...fuck, I can't do that! I won't do that." He felt himself starting to get choked up, which made it rather difficult for him to speak as that panicked feeling returned. He clenched Varian's shirt without realization, and forced himself to take several deep breathes. Varian not once made him stop, not really caring if the bleeding shirt ripped. He simply rubbed Severus's shoulder.
"You can push it away for the time being. Did you want me to make some tea?" Varian asked quietly.
Severus's gaze immediatly darted to the kitchen door, fearful the dog would be standing there watchingh im. He made several more deep breathes to calm himself, as he felt close to hyperventilation. He was so fixated on this he completely ignored Varian's question.
Varian simply petted his shoulder, telling him "Just breath...Good boy." He ran his fingers along Severus's neck, stroking his hair and then lightly massaging his earlobe.
Severus frowned lightly at that, gritting his teeth tightly before managing a grumble: “I’m..I’m trying!” Severus personally hated to feel so inferior, and was at a loss at being unable to just ‘get over’ his phobia.
“Maybe I can...distract you?” Varian cooed softly as he removed his fingers in favour or using his tongue to stroke along Severus;s earlobe.
Severus lets out a yelp, completly startled at feeling the wetness on eas ear. He even tried to pull away. “VARIAN!”
“YES?” Varian hollered back, his v oice equal in volume.
Severus found himself stammering, unsure of what to say. He wondered what he could say, in such a way Varian wouldn’t mock him horribly. “You...you...”
“Yes, me?” Varian replied smuggly.
“I can’t-I just...What the HELL?”
Varian, not knowing what to say right away, pulled away from him, stumbling to his feet. He finally found words, and sputtered. “You...what the....fine. FINE!” He cried, and stomped out of the kitchen. “I tried!” Varian walked right past where the dog was sniffing at the fireplace, and then growled, hearing a bird somewhere in the chimney.
“I can’t just FORGET, Varian. It doesn’t fucking work that way!” Severus called out shrilly, pushing himself up to stand. He walked swiftly out of the kitchen after Varian, pausing long enough to throw him a sad look. He eyed the dog cautiously as he grabbed his long leather overcoat, pulling it on as he made a bee-line for the door. He desired a walk, someting to calm himself down.
Varian did a double-take, and let out a gasp. “You’re leaving?!” He called out, sounding alarmed. Varian nearly tripped over a stack of books to move towards Severus, and wrapped his arms around the taller man’s back once able too. “Darling, please-”
“I can’t be here right now,” Severus replied in a depressed tone. “And I just can’t,” he added as he danced out of Varian’s reach while still keeping an uneasy eye on the dog. “Can’t switch from trying not to panic to sex. I don’t don’t work that way.”
Varian immediatly shrunk back from Severus, frowing hard, as if hurt. “I see,” he said, his voice waivering slightly but still steady for the most part. “Well, best ne going then.” Varian narrowed his eyes slightly, and moved away from him to pick up the small dog from where it laid in front of the fireplace chewing on his guitar strap. “You may have MORE owls to send to far off places.”
Severus’s face goes pale hear that, and backed up to the door. His mouth moved but nothing came out, and his brain froze, unable to momentarily process any information or thoughts. Silently, he turned and yanked the door open. Once outside, he slammed the door shut, both to express his feelings and to make himself feel slightly better. As soon as he stepped off the small porch, he pushed his hands into his pockets, fractically searching for the money exchange and post receipts, only to find them gone. Hot tears of fear and realization filled his eyes as looked back to stare at the cottage door. Then in a flash he took off down one of the side trails, not stopping until he came ot an old cave somewhere away from the Village. He felt no relief from the knowledge that most Villagers did not tred near the cave.
Varian chews his bottom lip, and holds the dog up to stare at him in the face. “He’s just a bit angry,” He spoke to the dog, feeling himself on edge with his heart pounding. He’s also becoming frustrated, and heavily pets the dog to calm himself. The only response he received was a hearty nose licking.
Severus was out of breath by the time he arrived at the cave and had to double over to clutch at a stitch in his side. Once he recovered and caught his breath, he sucked in a lungful of air and sunk down to hs knees. A pained sob expelled from his throat as one shakey hand came up tp cover his mouth. Slumping against the ground, he felt his entire body shake. “OhgodOhgodOhgod,” he said to himself. “He knows, he fucking KNOWS! FUCKING HELL!” He screamed the last words, letting the emotion out. Never in his life would he break down this way in front of others, but in certain situations, ones like today, he let it all out. He cried and screamed or else he’d go insane fron holding it all in.