Severus (sevlsnape) wrote in illusion_rpg,

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September 5th, 1978 - Journal

September 5, 1978
4:35 pm
a movie theatre lobby, London, England

Newsflash, to anyone who reads this, or cares. I am having the world's worst week ever.

And the worst part of writing that is the knowledge that no-one is going to bother reading this, or they'll go, "OH, he's just complaining again. Baby." Fine. Call me what you want, that just proves that people fucking suck.


Frank isn't back from Paris yet. He said he'd call, or send me a note or whatever to let me know when he got home. He was supposed to be home yesterday. I'm starting to get worried, because I saw Lupin at the grocers when I was on my way here, so I KNOW either he didn't go, or he's already home. Which means either Frank missed the flight, or something went wrong, and he couldn't find Rinna.


I need to find a new way to occupy my time. That movie was ridiculously stupid.

And I hate that stupid woman who just bitched me out for 'upsetting her precious puppy'. I didn't do a goddamn thing to your little monster, bitch, the thing is a TANK - and it came barelling straight at me the minute I stepped outside the theatre! Put it on a fucking LEASH and it won't run into the door, you stupid entitlement TWAT. And yes, YOU deserved being bitched out. Your excuse of, 'He's only a puppy, he doesn't know any better!" is lame, and inexcusable. Train your fucking pet before you bring him out in public WITHOUT A LEASH. This is not a park. Fuck you, and have a GREAT fucking day. I should have called the cops on you for not having a huge dog like that on a leash.


Speaking of dogs, that's part of what's making this the worst week of my life. Varian and that FUCKING dog. It's like I cease to exist now unless he wants something. Yeah, love, thanks. I can see that you really care THAT much, considering since I stopped living there, you've barely actually SAID anything to me. I can see that you were really SO worried about me going back to Corinna when you can't accept the fact that I have a deep rooted fear of dogs (YES, any dog) and tell me TO my face, "Oh, well, you can just learn to get over it."

No, I can't, Varian. I've never had to deal with this before now. I'm not going to just magically 'get over' it just because you want me around to play with. I do not live with dogs. Period. I will not allow a DOG to invade my safe space. You want a dog, fine, but I told you when I packed up my shit that I'm not compromising my sanity, no matter what you want me to do. Thank goodness Bridget still cares about me. I need to pick up a part time job or something so I'm not just living off of her...

It's weird but I actually wrote some more lyrics (not very much, really, it's just a rough idea) about that.... and the thing is, the idea I have for it in terms of vocals... I already know it wouldn't work that well for my voice, if it ever leaves paper. I think I might talk to Frank eventually about it when he gets back, see if he wants to work on it. I don't know. I want to make sure everything's okay with Frank before I do anything like that, anyway.


Hey, check out these lyrics I wro found.


startling words that mock my pain
hurt me more than a whisper
any sudden movement of my heart
and I know I'll have to watch it pass away
(just get through this day)

"give up your way,
you could be anything"
give up my way
and lose myself

not today - there's too much much guilt to pay

sickened in the sun
you dare tell me you love me
but you held me down
and scream to get your own way

honey, you know I'd never hurt you that way
(you're just so pretty in your pain)

"give up my way
and I could be anything"
I'll make my own way
without your selfish ways lies

so run - run away
and hate me if it feels good

you lied to me, but I'm older now
and I'm not buying baby

demanding my response, don't bother justifying yourself
I found a way out


Just curious what anyone thinks...

Yeah, I have nothing more to bitch about... Partly because I don't want to dwell on fucking everything right now, I'm upset enough as it is.

"It was all just a lie." ~SLS
Tags: 5 september 1978, journal, movie theater lobby, severus
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