Severus (sevlsnape) wrote in illusion_rpg,

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September 5th, 1978 - Journal

September 5th, 1978
11:52 pm
Bridget's flat, London, England

I wasn't going to write in this again today. I felt the need to. My week is looking up slightly. All I need to do now is talk to a couple friends and make sure they're ok some plans to get together at some point so we can catch up, and then maybe things won't look so grim.

It was weird, though, even though I know that Frank and Corinna have made it back safely... I'm positive that I heard Frank say that they were attacked. I could have heard wrong with Bridget talking in my ear at the same time, and I hope I DID hear wrong, but even still. Now I'm even more anxious to talk to them and make sure that everything is for sure okay.

I technically shouldn't even be using this journal right now, Bridget said she didn't want any magic in the flat, but I can't wait until morning for this. Of course, she also said I wasn't supposed to go out, but I figured just seeing a movie wouldn't hurt. Besides, I highly doubt Varian would have gone to the cinema.

And this is one of those times where I'm finding myself thinking about what a complete dunderhead I'm being. One would think that it would be easier to get over this whole stupid, depressing situation. I know I was thinking earlier that I wouldn't change anything that's happened in the last few years, but I don't know about that anymore. his is one of those times I wish I could go back in time and just stop myself from giving in to that stupid attraction. I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, was the sex really good enough that I was seriously willing to put up with the moodiness, the times where I was brushed off or ignored until he wanted something from me? Was it really good enough that I put myself through the painful process of getting emotionally attached only to fuck myself over in the end? It always ends like this, and the only thing I can think is that this is all my fault.

Should I have gotten myself involved in this? It wasn't supposed to happen. And then when something DID happen, it was a mutual understanding that it was just... a physical thing. Knowing what I know now about him, what Bridget told me, now I have to wonder whether Varian really cares about anyone but himself.

I don't know how we're going to work the song writing. I hope we can still do this, as far as the band goes. We've made it work with Walden and I being at odds, why not this way as well? Besides, I need to work with Varian on something anyway, I came up with an idea for a new spell, but the way I've designed it, it will only work with music. I've been working on it on and off for the past two months, ever since I suggested it to the guys. Now I just need to talk to him about it.

I don't think I'll contact him just yet, though. It's too soon.

I'm going to owl Frank first thing when I get up, I think.
Tags: 5 september 1978, journal, severus, varian mentioned
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