lonely11:52 pm
Bridget's flat, London, England
I wasn't going to write in this again today. I felt the need to. My week is looking up slightly. All I need to do now is talk to a couple friends and make
It was weird, though, even though I know that Frank and Corinna have made it back safely... I'm positive that I heard Frank say that they were attacked. I could have heard wrong with Bridget talking in my ear at the same time, and I hope I DID hear wrong, but even still. Now I'm even more anxious to talk to them and make sure that everything is for sure okay.
I technically shouldn't even be using this journal right now, Bridget said she didn't want any magic in the flat, but I can't wait until morning for this. Of course, she also said I wasn't supposed to go out, but I figured just seeing a movie wouldn't hurt. Besides, I highly doubt Varian would have gone to the cinema.
And this is one of those times where I'm finding myself thinking about what a complete dunderhead I'm being. One would think that it would be easier to get over this whole stupid, depressing situation. I know I was thinking earlier that I wouldn't change anything that's happened in the last few years, but I don't know about that anymore. his is one of those times I wish I could go back in time and just stop myself from giving in to that stupid attraction. I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, was the sex really good enough that I was seriously willing to put up with the moodiness, the times where I was brushed off or ignored until he wanted something from me? Was it really good enough that I put myself through the painful process of getting emotionally attached only to fuck myself over in the end? It always ends like this, and the only thing I can think is that this is all my fault.
Should I have gotten myself involved in this? It wasn't supposed to happen. And then when something DID happen, it was a mutual understanding that it was just... a physical thing. Knowing what I know now about him, what Bridget told me, now I have to wonder whether Varian really cares about anyone but himself.
I don't know how we're going to work the song writing. I hope we can still do this, as far as the band goes. We've made it work with Walden and I being at odds, why not this way as well? Besides, I need to work with Varian on something anyway, I came up with an idea for a new spell, but the way I've designed it, it will only work with music. I've been working on it on and off for the past two months, ever since I suggested it to the guys. Now I just need to talk to him about it.
I don't think I'll contact him just yet, though. It's too soon.
I'm going to owl Frank first thing when I get up, I think.
